LINAZLINAZ

I’m now officially known as a homemaker/housewife. It all began when baby Rifqah has trouble sleeping just after I returned to work from maternity leave.

At first, she begin her night sleep at 12am. I thought that it’s normal, considering that her sister also has sleep problem during her first 3 months.

Then after 3 weeks, her sleep time shifted to 2am. Okay, I was beginning to fidget a little. But hey, 4 hours of sleep isn’t so bad. I’ve had bad cases of insomnia during pregnancy and I’ve managed it.

2 weeks later, it moved to 3am, then 4am, then 5am. Finally after almost 4 months, she has managed of not having any sleep at all during night time. She was awake from 7pm (about the time I’ve always picked her up from the babysitter’s place) and she would be wide awake until 7.30am the next morning.

The problem of having her awake is that she always wanted someone to hold and play with her. She didn’t want to play in the cot, bouncer or on my lap. She just want to be propped up, looking at our mimics and smiles.

Being a good wife, I let my husband get his sleep. After all, he is the breadwinner of the family. So, It was I who has to put some toothpicks between my eyelids and stay up throughout the night. Sometimes I stole some nap at the office, especially during lunchtime. Slowly, lack of sleep and rests began to affect my mood, energy and behaviour.

I was always tired and cannot concentrate much on work. At home, Najma has always been the scapegoat for my anger. Even my husband gets some of the portion. At last, he was the one who suggested that I should get some time off from work.

Alas, I wrote a letter to the GM requesting for 3 months unpaid leave. But sadly, my request has been turned down. So without any other choice, I’ve tendered my resignation, much to my boss’ dismay. He refused to believe that I would actually quit for such a lame reason, but regardless of his views, I need to do it for my family.

So here I am, 2 months into being a desperate housewife. I love the late morning wake and feeding lunches to my daughters, but I do missed the gossips and lunches with colleagues and friends. I think I’ll just need a little more resting time before getting a new job, in a month or two. We’ll see how it goes…

Right after the previous post, I’ve given birth to a beautiful baby girl weighed 3.2kg. We named her Rifqah Razaanah, means soft and graceful in Arabic. It was a bit of a tongue twister, I know, but my hubby insist one the name. Mind you, he bought 6 name books to find the baby’s name (not to mentioned googling and yahooing).

I’ve been attending a regular check-up since the arthritis episode with Dr. Seri Suniza at Prince Court Medical Center. You should see PCMC, the insides of the building looks like a shopping mall. You wouldn’t find any patient lying on the sidewalks, no disinfectant smell, and certainly nobody screaming of pain in that place. A one night stay in the hospital will cost you similar to a 5-star hotel stay. Luckily my hubby works with Petronas (who happens to own that place), so my stay was free-of-charge.

The labor episode starts at 2am on 23rd October 2008. I’ve been checking the contraction interval for a few weeks now (a bit paranoid huhuhu), and I’ve noticed the interval is getting closer and fixed. I kinda know that the time has come, but looking at my hubby’s face and snore, I know he was still tired. So I I’ve decided to let him sleep a bit more and wait for the water to break (like previous delivery). True enough, at 5am the water broke and I immediately woke my hubby up. He was still sleepy when driving to the hospital, he drove with his face an inch from the steering wheel. But since we were spending the night at my mom’s house in Gombak, the trip only takes about 15 minutes before I was being ushered into the labour room.

Two nurses were waiting and they’ve alerted Dr. Seri about my case. My opening was only 5cm at that time, and they told me that I’ll be delivering at 11am. Oh boy, they were wrong. At 6.30am, after my hubby came back from the musolla for suboh prayer, I’ve beginning to feel the head coming out. True enough, the opening has fully dilated and I’m ready to give birth. But the problem is, the doctor is not there yet!!! I was forced to turn to my side and avoid from pushing the baby out. The pain..ya Allah…is too much to bear. Now I know why they say that the pain of giving birth is right next to death itself. Of course, I was already screaming and crying of pain. I want to push the baby out!!!

After the longest 15 minutes of my life, the doctor came in. She said that she had run over 3 red traffic lights, and dragged along her kids to the hospital (she was going to send them to school). I only did 2 pushes and the baby was out. Luckily my hubby was helping, because in between the pain and cries, I have forgotten how to push.

My hubby was crying, to my surprise. This was his first time in the labor room, and he was touched by the overall experience. I just hope that after what we’ve been through, he will appreciate and love our family more. I know I do.

So, the wait has finally over. Rifqah happens to be a very good baby, cries only when she’s hungry or wet her nappies. She even loves bathtime and sleeps most of the times. Najma was happy and overwhelmed with the arrival of the baby, always wants to cuddle and kiss her sister. Now I have 2 precious princess and I will always love them, very very much.

I’m officially bored….

FYI, I’m 38 weeks pregnant with the second child. I’m currently on leave, waiting for the ‘labour day’. So now I’m just lingering around the house with Najma, doing limited housework while carrying enormous belly along the way. Oh yeah, with great puffy feet supporting my 85kg body.

I was diagnosed with a rare pregnancy condition called seronegative reactive spondyloarthritis. It started around my heels, left elbow and left knuckles. Basically, it is caused by inflamation of tissues surrounding the joints, and it commonly started during 33rd weeks of pregnancy. Believe me, it hurts like hell, especially when you’re pregnant.

I had to spent last Ramadhan in the hospital for more than a week, and subsequently on mild steroid medication until today. The side effect from the steroid has made my feet puffy caused by excessive water retention. Heh, dugaan dugaan….The condition is said to be temporarily, that is until the baby comes out. So now, I’m counting the days, impatiently and hormonally.

Biasala, towards the pregnancy end you just can’t wait for the little baby to comes out. Tired, anxious, excited and all the mixed feelings all altogether.

Anyway, do pray for our safety and well being. And just wait for our big announcement. Ta….

This week has been another stressful week for me; tones of workloads, hubby is away for 2 weeks, having to vacate the apartment by yesterday and packed all the stuff in one week, and yes, spending Ramadhan alone with Najma. Since I’m alone with Najma, we’ve temporarily crowded my parents’ house, because I felt too afraid every time I think of Nurin Jazlin.

In light of recent brutal murder of Nurin, I’ve been living in fear. Fear for my daughter’s safety, and fear of people surrounds me. The world is not how it used to be. I used to go out alone to shops when I was 8 years old, or ride a bicycle in the park with friends, without adult’s supervision. But I could guarantee you that I won’t be letting my child do the same when she reaches that age. I was even thinking of quitting my job when she reaches school age, so that I could send and fetch her from school. People now are so cruel and absent minded. Crimes are becoming more heinous and pitiless, regardless of age, sex and background. I’m not worried about myself, but I have tones of worries for my child. I know that death is a must, but we all do hope that death comes ‘nicely’ and with logical reasons, not on some lunatics’ hands with no particular reason.

I just couldn’t imagine what Nurin’s family is going through; the pain, the agony and the sadness. I couldn’t help shedding my tears every time I think of Nurin; praying to Allah to protect my family and those I loved. Clearly, what she could have done to deserve this? Why can’t these pedophiles just find a hooker and get it over with? I just pray that when the police do find the murderer, he would be hanged immediately. These pedophiles should be branded on the forehead, castrated, amputated their hands and legs and taken out the eye balls. In fact, all criminals should be done the same, so other people could learn the lesson and behave well.

In all, Nurin’s death has its own hikmah. I just couldn’t imagine how the incident would traumatize her if she was still alive, it would affect her for the rest of her life. The incident is a lesson for all, especially for us with children. We should do our best to protect them, give them our fullest attention and shower them will all the love, while they are still here safely in our hands.

I would like to dedicate the song Terlalu Istimewa by Adibah Noor to Nurin and other child victims of murder and crimes. I know they’re in heaven. I hope Allah will forgive us, and give us a chance to meet them there. Allah is just, and I just hope the killer knows that.

Najma is a very talkative, lively, bubbly….she’s everything I’ve always wanted for a 2 year old daughter (sometimes she makes me believe that I have a 20 year old daughter)….

My mak has 2 adult cats…Najma will always try to tease and poke the cats with a stick….Apparently, the cats are so lazy and often asleep, they won’t budge an inch….But if the cats do move, she will run away and climb to the sofa, screaming "Cat!!!! No!! No!! Jangan kacau Ma!!!!"…Once, she even talked to cat "Cat, cat tido sana ok? Ma nak duduk sini" while poking it with stick, but the cat just kept on dozing on the spot….

We’ve also taught her to memorize things that she often see…One time, my parents took her to a wedding, which happens to be located just beside a construction site…She kept pointing to the site, screaming "ek-hoooo" to my mak….My mak keep asking her "Najma tunjuk apa?", but she keeps on repeating "ek-hoooo"…Only then my abah realize, the ‘ek-hoooo’ actually means back-hoe, and he was utterly surprise to know that his 2 year old granddaughter knows the machine….

But having a talkative toddler do come with a price…One time, she was getting irritated with her babah smooching and snuggling her, she scream "Bodoh babah ni!"…We were surprised, not to mentioned geram to the big kids at her daycare (I guess that’s where she picked the words)…But we managed to tell her that it is not a good word, and she must never use it again…I guess a soft smack on her hand did do the trick…..

Other than that, it’s really enjoyable to have such a talkative toddler….it’s her words and singing that we look for after long hours in the office…she’s the person I talk to whenever Abang is out of town…

Truly, a child never bore us…they entertain us…I know mine did….

Yes, I know, I know….other people have started on blogs since ages, I’m a siput at this….but better late than never, right???

Today got less work to do, so I thought what the heck, just try this blogging thing…heheheh =P

Today a colleague of mine belanja makan….here in UMW, we got some saham share after 3 years of service…and this fella baru dapat RM16K (he sell only 2100 units)….so dapat la lunch free, kat Pizza Hut…jadi la kan?

So during this lunch break, we’ve got into conversation regarding the places that we’d like to visit in our life time….Yudi says that he wanted to visit Bali, coz he had once seen the pics of naked native girls mandi2 in the waterfall area (can’t blaim him anyway)…Wak wanted to visit Jordan and Syria, he wants to swim in the Dead Sea, and climb Mount Ararat to search for Nabi Nuh’s legendary ship….as for me, I’d like to go to Istanbul again with hubby and Najma…sailing on the Bosphorus Cruise and visit all those historical places again….I can never get enough of those places…not to mention the Grand Bazaar, a shopping haven!!!

So, where would you like to go someday?